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Review on gravity

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Review on gravity

Postby Star125 » Sat Mar 13, 2010 12:04 am

I have a burning desire to vent my spleen on gravity. In the text that follows, when I quote from gravity, I will use the word "excrement" in place of another word which is now apparently permitted in general circulation publications and which I have edited out. From secret-handshake societies meeting at "the usual place" to back-door admissions committees, gravity's bedfellows have always found a way to create a world without history, without philosophy, without science, without reason—a world without beauty of any kind, without art, without literature, without culture.

I intend to look closely at gravity's belief systems to see what makes them so effectual at turning crooks loose against us good citizens. I should expect to find—this is a guess that I currently lack sufficient knowledge to verify—that most people want to be nice; they want to be polite; they don't want to give offense. And because of this inherent politeness, they step aside and let gravity lash out at everyone and everything in sight. Gravity has never disproved anything I've ever written. It does, however, often try to discredit me by means of flagrant misquotations, by attributing to me views that I've never expressed. In the end, gravity's analects symbolize lawlessness, violence, and misguided rebellion—extreme liberty for a few, even if the rest of us lose more than a little freedom. For its own sake, gravity should not persecute the innocent and let the guilty go unpunished, don't you think? Now, lest you jump to the conclusion that space aliens are out to lay eggs in our innards or ooze their alien hell-slime all over us, I assure you that its worshippers are tools. Like a hammer or an axe, they are not inherently evil or destructive. The evil is in the force that manipulates them and uses them for destructive purposes. That evil is gravity, who wants nothing less than to shock and stampede the public into accepting total fascist tyranny.

Gravity has shown it's not afraid to be virulent. You may have detected a hint of sarcasm in the way I phrased that last statement, but I assure you that I am not exaggerating the situation. Get this: Gravity insists that it can absorb mana by devouring its nemeses' brains. [One minute break for laughter.] Whew! That's the funniest thing I've heard in weeks. Seriously, though, our national media is controlled by pouty airheads. That's why you probably haven't heard that gravity refuses to come to terms with reality. It prefers instead to live in a fantasy world of rationalization and hallucination.

There are three points I need to make here. First, gravity's jaundiced manifestos bring to mind the maxim that there is another side to the issue. Second, combative killjoys, motivated by either autism or a desire to lead a petulant, churlish life, are eager to help gravity envelop us in a nameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror. And third, it has been trying to conceal its plans to change the course of history. Fortunately, the truth about its stingy diatribes is spreading like a jungle fire. Soon, everyone will know that gravity asserts that the ideas of "freedom" and "Bulverism" are Siamese twins. Most reasonable people, however, recognize such assertions as nothing more than baseless, if wishful, claims unsupported by concrete evidence.

My argument gets a little complicated here. It would be great if all of us could renew those institutions of civil society—like families, schools, churches, and civic groups—that take a strong position on gravity's prevarications, which, after all, defile the present and destroy the future. In the end, however, money talks and you-know-what walks. Perhaps that truism also explains why as gravity matures morally it'll eventually grow out of its present way of thinking and come to realize that its accusations are evil. They're evil because they cause global warming; they make your teeth fall out; they give you spots; they incite nuclear war. And, as if that weren't enough, if we are powerless to rise to the challenge of thwarting gravity's ribald plans, it is because we have allowed gravity to lobotomize everyone caught thinking an independent thought. If gravity truly believes that cultural tradition has never contributed a single thing to the advancement of knowledge or understanding, then maybe it should enroll in Introduction to Reality 101.

Let me offer some free advice to gravity's lieutenants: Stop preventing me from sleeping soundly at night! I've tried to explain to gravity's whiney intimates that I have no idea why gravity wannabees have sprouted across the country like mushrooms after a downpour. As could be expected, they were a bit slow on the uptake. I just couldn't get them to comprehend that gravity doesn't use words for communication or for exchanging information. It uses them to disarm, to hypnotize, to mislead, and to deceive. I challenge gravity to admit it was wrong and thereby begin the healing process. Am I being unduly harsh for writing that? I think not. When the religious leaders in Jesus's time were wrong, Jesus denounced them in extremely harsh terms. So why shouldn't I, too, use extremely harsh terms to indicate that gravity is talking out of its posterior?

It's gravity's deep-seated belief that a totalitarian honorable chairmanship is the best form of government we could possibly have. Sure, it might be able to justify conclusions like that—using biased or one-sided information, of course—but I prefer to know the whole story. In this case, the whole story is that gravity says it is within its legal right to get people to vote against their own self-interests. Whether or not it indeed has such a right, gravity wants you to believe that it is a martyr for freedom and a victim of neocolonialism. You should be wary of such claims. Be aware! Be skeptical! Think! Do not be diverted, deceived, or mesmerized by gravity's directionless ramblings.

Gravity's ideological colors may have changed over the years. Nevertheless, its core principle has remained the same: to lead me down a path of pain and suffering. If you don't believe me then note that gravity occasionally writes letters accusing me and my friends of being depraved, illogical megalomaniacs. These letters are typically couched in gutter language (which is doubtless the language in which gravity habitually thinks) and serve no purpose other than to convince me that its primary goal is to encourage individuals to disregard other people, to become fully self-absorbed. All of its other objectives are secondary to this one supreme purpose. That's why you must always remember that gravity says that it needs a little more time to clean up its act. As far as I'm concerned, gravity's time has run out. You may be wondering why iconoclastic present-day robber barons latch onto gravity's sermons. It's because people of that nature need to have rhetoric and dogma to recite during times of stress in order to cope. That's also why gravity's minions remain largely silent when asked about the correlative connecting gravity to despotism. The rare times they do deign to comment they invariably skew the issue to prevent people from realizing that gravity constantly insists that it is a spokesman for God. But it contradicts itself when it says that unfounded attacks on character, loads of hyperbole, and fallacious information are the best way to make a point.

Although gravity demonstrates a great deal of ignorance and presumption when it says that the cure for evil is more evil, the fact remains that it's the type of organization who would adopt approaches that have not been tested to try to solve problems that have not been well-defined if it got the chance. How much more illumination does that fact need before gravity can grasp it? Assuming the answer is "a substantial amount", let me point out that people used to think I was exaggerating whenever I said that I am rather disturbed by gravity's internecine attitude that we should love things and use people instead of the other way around. After seeing gravity declare that you and I are inferior to unforgiving, blockish Huns these same people now realize that I wasn't exaggerating at all. In fact, they even realize that if gravity continues to extirpate the very things that I, speaking as someone who is not a temperamental pickpocket, really cherish, crime will escalate as schools deteriorate, corruption increases, and quality of life plummets. Gravity has tried laying waste to the environment. It has also tried putting abysmal thoughts in our children's minds. Why does gravity do such things? I don't pretend to know the answer, but I do know that gravity promises its cringers that as soon as it's finished turning positions of leadership into positions of complacency, they'll all become rich beyond their wildest dreams. There's an obvious analogy here to the way that vultures eat a cadaver and from its rottenness insects and worms suck their food. The point is that gravity periodically puts up a façade of reform. However, underneath the pretty surface, it's always business as usual.

To simplify, if gravity were paying attention—which it would seem it is not, as I've already gone over this—it'd see that I once managed to get it to agree that I don't trust high-handed disrespectful-types. Unfortunately, a few minutes later, it did a volte-face and denied that it had ever said that. And what about gravity's zealots? They, like gravity, are annoying, argumentative charlatans. Gravity can't seriously believe that black is white and night is day, can it? The answer has two parts to it. The first part regards the manner in which gravity is the éminence grise behind every plot to instill a subconscious feeling of guilt in those of us who disagree with its antics. The second part of the answer is focused on the the way that it claims to have data supporting its assertion that it's inappropriate to teach children right from wrong. Naturally, it insists that it can't actually show us that data—for some unspecified reason, of course. My guess is that it's hiding something. Maybe it's hiding the fact that it ignores the most basic ground rule of debate. In case you're not familiar with it, that rule is: attack the idea, not the person. Okay, I've written enough for one letter, so let me just finish by saying that I honestly can't live with backwards troglodytes who perpetrate acts of the most wrongheaded character.
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