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The True Story of Goldilocks.

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The True Story of Goldilocks.

Postby RayquazaMaster » Sun Oct 26, 2008 8:01 pm

Once upon a time, there was a house that had a dysfunctional family of bears living it it. The house was situated in scenic middle of the woods. One day, the bears went out for a walk and some shopping. Little did they know that a horrible little girl was about to destroy their house...

"I love the woods," Goldilocks said, prancing around stabbing trees with a chain saw. "They're so fun to DESTROY!!!!!!! WORLD DOMINATION! WOO!"
"WEE-OOO WEE-OOO!" Out of nowhere came a police car that was very well armed, with bazookas and recordings of RayquazaMaster's lectures on how to be a successful spammer. It was going faster than any vehicle Goldilocks had seen.

"Oh, no!" shouted Goldilocks. "The cops are here! I've gotta run and hide!"

She started running as quickly as she could and eventually came to a house. She was able to enter by breaking a window. She triggered an alarm, but she didn't care. She threw a rock at the alarm and it shattered and was silenced. Then, she came to a kitchen with three bowls of porridge.

"Oh, boy! Porridge!" she said. She picked up the first bowl of porridge, swallowed all of it, and began to breath fire, incinerating half the kitchen. "Yikes. This is way too hot! What kind of idiot enjoys their food this hot?!"

She picked up the second bowl of porridge, swallowed all of it, and began to breath ice, which melted due to the heat and flooded the kitchen. "OMG, this porridge is way too cold! What kind of idiot enjoys this freezing mush?!"

She picked up the third bowl of porridge, swallowed all of it, including the bowl, spat out the shards of the bowl, and said, "Yay! For once, tasty porridge! I wonder what else they have here..."

She walked into the next room and sat down in one of three chairs. "This chair is huge! What giant sits in this?!" she screamed, and impaled it with her chain saw.

She sat down in the next chair and yelled, "Another giant?! Stupid chair..." and impaled it with her chain saw as well.

She sat down in the last chair. It collapsed under her weight. She then said, "Useless piece of junk. I'm surprised it lasted that long."

She moved on to the next room and found three beds. She sat down on one of the beds, but found it was too hard and impaled it with her chain saw. She sat down on the next one, but found it was too soft and impaled it with her chain saw, too. The last bed, she found out when she sat down on it, was just right. She quickly fell asleep.

Just then, the bears came home. They saw the broken window and went in to investigate. They quickly found that the porridge was eaten, the kitchen was flooded, and all of the chairs were destroyed. Then, they went into the bedroom and found a girl asleep in Baby Bear's bed, surrounded by the debris of the other two beds. She woke up and saw that she had been spotted.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?!" she yelled. "GET AWAY! THE COPS WILL SEE THAT YOU'RE HOME AND THE WINDOW IS BROKEN AND THEY WILL ARREST ME! GET AWAY!" With that, Papa Bear attempted to maul her, but Goldilocks was too quick. She jumped up and (in self defense, not just 'cause she wanted to) killed all of the bears. However, the cops heard her screams of terror and rushed in to arrest her. She was sentenced to prison for life for breaking and entry, murder, destroying private property, and cutting down trees that she wasn't supposed to cut down.

THE END! :D:

Thanks to Giga for the fanfic of what happened before.
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Re: The True Story of Goldilocks.

Postby Darkbuster13 » Sun Oct 26, 2008 8:36 pm

Decent, but there's one thing I'd like to mention:

"...impaled it with her chainsaw..."

A bit of variety is a good thing when writing, and I'm sure I read this about 3 or 4 times. However, this IS a parody of a childrens story, so I'll let it slide.










...this time...
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Re: The True Story of Goldilocks.

Postby RayquazaMaster » Mon Oct 27, 2008 6:30 pm

Darkbuster13 wrote:Decent, but there's one thing I'd like to mention:

"...impaled it with her chainsaw..."

A bit of variety is a good thing when writing, and I'm sure I read this about 3 or 4 times. However, this IS a parody of a childrens story, so I'll let it slide.





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...this time...

Oookay..... Thank you?
Also, she literaly is impaling it with her chain saw. You know, like stabbing it with the chain saw.
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